


We could have grown old, together.

by cwbarnes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, F/M, Fuck You Marvel, M/M, Multi, post Endgame, sad bucky barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 12:59:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18638611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cwbarnes/pseuds/cwbarnes
Summary: Endgame spoilers!!!A letter from Bucky to Steve, after Steve chose a life with Peggy. Leaving behind his life with Bucky, leaving behind a future so that he could go back to the past. He had the chance to be with Peggy or Bucky, and he chose Peggy.





	We could have grown old, together.

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven’t watched endgame do not read!!
> 
> OKAY WHO SAID THEY COULD END STEVES STORY LIKE THAT?????? Like no that’s not okay. The ending was so out of character for steve, he wouldn’t leave everyone behind so he could be with Peggy. I don’t have a problem with Peggy, but she was a part of the past and throughout the movies Steve has been moving on with his life, this was a HUGE STEP back. It’s just. Yeah. Sorry about the bad summary! Okay so anyways I hope all of you enjoy this!

Dear Steve,

You chose Peggy. You left me. I know you loved Peggy, but I loved you Steve. I always have. Why did you choose her? 

I’m glad you had a life with her, I’m glad you got to live the life that you imagined but why didn’t you live your life with me? Why couldn’t we live the life that we had once imagined with each other? I know I sound jealous, I know it sounds like I want- wanted to live our entire life with each other, but the truth is I am jealous.

I thought we would build a life together. We could have bought that small apartment we liked, the one that had that extra room, the room that would someday be for our kids. We could have grown old, together. 

I wish I told you when we were kids, how much I love you. How every time I see you I get butterflies, every time you text I smile, how I can’t imagine a life without you.

Steve, I’m glad you were happy with your life with Peggy. Really, I am. If she made you happy then you deserve that, you deserve to wake up next to the person you love every day. I just have to wake up everyday without you by my side.

Steve you chose to forget about the life with me. And I’m sorry I’m so sorry I keep making this about me. But Steve I wasn’t ready, I wasn’t ready for our life together to be over.

I was going to tell you, I was going to tell you that I love you, that I always have. I was scared, scared of you saying that you didn’t feel the same way, scared of you saying that you loved Peggy and not me. Now that I’m thinking about it, you probably would have said you loved Peggy, I was never who you wanted.

I’m going to have to learn how to live a life without you, a life where you and I never have a chance of being together. Did we ever have a chance? Did you ever love me back?

I cant believe that captain america is no longer the worlds hero. You left that behind too. When I dream about you, it’s like how it was. Its us getting through life together, no matter what. It’s us, moving on from the past, moving on together.

You’re the one that kept me going. When I woke up, when I was no longer the winter soldier, I had laid awake for days wishing that I could go to sleep and never wake up. Wondering why I couldn’t have just been killed, whether that be by the hands of hydra, by you, by anyone.

I killed so many people. I understand now that they weren’t my fault, you made me understand that. But now I have to live without you. When I woke up at night, sweating and panicking and screaming you were there to comfort me. You would lay with me until I fell asleep against your chest. But now I’m alone.

You never have felt the same way about me. I loved everything about you. How your laugh sounded, how you would burn everything you cooked, how you would stick your tongue out a little when you would draw.

I loved you Steve, I loved you for the person you were. I loved you for being there for me when I had nobody else. But I guess you never saw me as anything more then a friend.

I was with you until the end of the line, but you won’t be there for me until the end of my line.

I know that sounds stupid, but it was my way of saying I love you. It meant that I will be with you for as long as I’m alive, I will be there for you as long as you need me. I wanted to be there throughout your entire life. We already missed so much, I figured that we were given the opportunity to start a life over again. But you won’t be able to be with me for the rest of my life. But you didn’t need me. I guess you never did say you would be there until the end of the line. 

I’m glad you lived your life with Peggy. You got married, I’m so happy for you. I remember the days when you were sick and you couldn’t even imagine yourself getting married. You told me that you thought nobody would love you, you said nobody wanted to love you because you’d eventually get sick and never recover. But Stevie, I loved you.

I started therapy. Sam said it would be a good idea. They don’t understand. They don’t understand how it feels to have your best friend, the person you love choose a life with you. 

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough. I’m sorry I never told you that I loved you. I’m sorry that I’m upset. I’m happy for you, but you chose a life without me Steve. You pretended like we were never going to have a future together, whether that be as best friends or not.

I have a long life ahead of me, and it’s going to be hard without you. But I will make it, I can do it. It’s going to be hard, harder then it would have been with you but I can do it. If you chose to stay, would we even have ended up together? Would you have found someone different?

I love you Stevie, I always have. Don’t ever forget that. If you need me, you know how to reach me. Have you ever needed me?

I miss you, buddy.

\- Buck

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING!!!
> 
> My friend suggested that I make a 2nd chapter, a letter from Sam to Steve. Sooo I'm going to be writing that! I’m not sure when that part will be posted, but soon :) If you find any mistakes let me know! Follow me on twit @cwbarnes


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